No. 174 - On Spiritual Friendship

by Roshi Wendy Egyoku Nakao

 Kalyanamitra is the Sanskrit word for spiritual friendship. This friendship is something much more than someone to hang out with, but rather connotes a person or even a thing that becomes our guide, a teacher, and serves to inspire us along our path to awakening.

There is a common Zen expression that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Ready or not, teachers are constantly appearing in our lives, but sometimes it is difficult to recognize because we are looking for someone that meets our image or idea of “teacher.” Or, we regard this person or thing as an obstacle in our life, rather than as something that can awaken us to life’s meaning.

For instance, we could say that illness is kalyanamitra. The death of a sibling can be kalyanamitra. The birth of our child can be kalyanamitra. Falling in love can be kalyanamitra. In short, anything which shakes us out of our ongoing slumber and creates an opening to a vista beyond our narrow image or experience of ego-self, is a spiritual friend worthy of our gratitude.

It may be difficult to regard a painful experience as a friend. We respond by pushing such experiences away or by grasping on to something else. But in zazen, we learn to sit in the midst of our suffering, much as one would do with someone in need. Just sitting. Just seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, awareness — recognizing and affirming the most essential nature of our situation, whatever it may be.

The Great Wisdom Heart Sutra is truly one of the great expressions of spiritual friendship. In this sutra, Shakyamuni Buddha expounds the truth of emptiness of all phenomena for his disciple Shariputra. He points Shariputra to prajna wisdom, the unsurpassable wisdom. Anything and anyone who points us to this wisdom is a spiritual friend. But the Heart Sutra does not stop at our own realization. It concludes with the great mantra, the vivid mantra, the unsurpassable mantra of “Gate! Gate! Paragate! Parasamgate! Bodhi svaha!” It means “gone, gone, gone beyond, together go beyond.”

This “together” speaks directly to our most basic vow to save all beings. Our realization only truly comes alive when it is used in the service of others, in helping others awaken to life’s essential nature. So recognize and appreciate the spiritual friends in your life: you yourself serving others in this way, and others and things continually befriending you, pointing to the unsurpassable wisdom that is our life.

No.173 - Boundless Qualities of the Mind

— by Joan Halifax Roshi

"How rare it is to open to the nourishment of basic goodness!"

A Brahmin once came to the Buddha and asked him how he could enter the Abode of Brahma or the Divine.  The Buddha told him that this was possible by practicing boundless kindness toward all beings, boundless compassion with all beings, boundless joy in the salvation and basic goodness of all beings, and boundless equanimity toward all beings, whether friend or foe.  Practicing thus, the Buddha explained, makes it possible for one to transform the obstacles of meanness, gloating over the misfortune of others, unhappiness, and preferential mind.  This was the way, he explained, that we enter the abode of the divine.

In another sutra, there is a story about the Buddha manifesting these boundless qualities of mind that he taught his Brahmin student.  Once there was a very ill monk.  His body was covered with suppurating, foul-smelling sores that were leaking pus.  No one wanted to care for him because he looked and smelled so terrible.  The Buddha went to the monk’s bedside and cleaned his sores, bathed him, and gave him support and inspiration as well as teachings.  Sometime later the Buddha told his followers that if they really wanted to serve him, they should serve the sick with boundless kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity.  The Buddha knew that he was not separate from any form of suffering.

The Four Boundless Abodes are loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity.  These are qualities of the mind and heart that are inherent to our basic nature.  Buddhism calls these universal virtues the Four Boundless Abodes.  By cultivating them in our activities, we strengthen their presence within us.  As their presence grows stronger, so does their boundless quality.  These abodes are the unconditional treasure that is always available to each of us, even when we are dying.

Generating these four qualities is the ultimate form of self-care.  They connect us to the stream of basic goodness, and they connect us to one another.  They are the qualitative basis for our work in being with dying.  In some deep sense strengthening their presence is the best self-care we can give.

You can practice each of the abodes by directing its energy to yourself, a benefactor, a friend, a loved one, a difficult person, a person about whom you feel neutral, or all beings.  You can also start with yourself and expand the practice by spending a few minutes directing the energy toward each of these parties sequentially until, at the end of the practice, all beings are included.

I begin by sitting quietly and remembering how much suffering there is in the world and how much I would like peace and happiness for all beings.  I remember that someday, sooner or later, I will die and all beings will die.  I want to use this precious human life as best I can.  I then vow to free myself from suffering and help others be free from suffering.

Resting in openness, I bring my attention gently to my breath.  Then I begin my practice with myself, a friend, a loved one, or a relative who is suffering.  This opens my heart and deepens my commitment.  On the in-breath I take in suffering.  On the outbreath I offer one of the abodes.  I often practice with one of the phrases below, directing it to the chosen recipient.  Feeling open and committed, I pay attention to what is arising in my heart and mind during practice and let the practice shift accordingly.  For example, I might find myself resisting inhaling the suffering.  Then I shift the focus to sending compassion to myself.

At the end of a period of practice, I again rest in openness, inviting the feeling of gratitude to be present.  How rare it is to open to the nourishment of basic goodness!  Then I dedicate the merit of the practice to all beings everywhere.